A little over 4 years ago it was January 2005. I was sitting in a hospital room watching a basketball and football with my Dad. It was a good way for the both of us to spend time together while also getting our minds off of the inevitable. I just kept thinking, one day soon, I would wake up and never be able to watch sports with him again. We will never be able to talk to each other, to have dinner together or to just hang out. My Dad had always been involved in my life when it came to the sports I played and those where I cheered. He spent a lot of time taking my friends and I to high school basketball and football games, cheering on our team. One year, we even won tickets to the Washington Bullets (now the Wizards) where I was able to take many of my friends. Sports as always a big part of my life growing up.
When I got to college, I spent most of my time studying. I was afraid of failing out of school, thinking that I wasn't smart enough to be at UVa. There were so many talented people around me I felt like I couldn't do anything else in my spare time but study to keep up. So when I graduated with a good GPA, went to study for a summer at Harvard, volunteered 50+ hours per week and had the pick to attend Yale or UNC Chapel Hill for Grad school, I think I finally realized I was probably over thinking things a bit. I didn't go to a lot of parties, nor did ever really get into the sports scene at UVa. I knew when I visited UNC for grad school that it was the perfect fit for me because it seemed to have the balance between being a great school with fun people and atmosphere. I needed some fun. Little did I know that my time at UNC would be challenging in a way I never imagined.
Between by 3rd and last semester of school, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in January 2005. He went from having a cough at Thanksgiving, to not being able to stand at Christmas, diagnosed on his birthday (Jan. 5) to passing away mid January. My break was anything but a break. The Doctors were not sure how long he had, 6 months at the most. I prepared my self to defer my last semester to stay at home with my Mom to help with Dad. I was prepared to put my life on hold to be with my family. Unfortunately, I didn't have that much time. My dad passed away a week after his diagnosis on Jan. 16. I was able to spend some time mourning and celebrating my dad's life before returning to school two weeks after the semester started. And that is when it hit me. I could no longer see or talk to my dad again.
Although I had many supportive friends at UNC, I felt alone and empty when I returned and that was an unusual feeling for me. This is really when it really hit me that he was gone, too soon. We had much more to talk about. More games to watch together, more Cowboys-Redskins match ups to watch with Grant and I, he was supposed to walk me down the isle and be there when I had my first child. There were more ball parks to go to and more UVa football games to see. I couldn't keep thinking about what I couldn't change. I needed something to do.
When I got to college, I spent most of my time studying. I was afraid of failing out of school, thinking that I wasn't smart enough to be at UVa. There were so many talented people around me I felt like I couldn't do anything else in my spare time but study to keep up. So when I graduated with a good GPA, went to study for a summer at Harvard, volunteered 50+ hours per week and had the pick to attend Yale or UNC Chapel Hill for Grad school, I think I finally realized I was probably over thinking things a bit. I didn't go to a lot of parties, nor did ever really get into the sports scene at UVa. I knew when I visited UNC for grad school that it was the perfect fit for me because it seemed to have the balance between being a great school with fun people and atmosphere. I needed some fun. Little did I know that my time at UNC would be challenging in a way I never imagined.
Between by 3rd and last semester of school, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in January 2005. He went from having a cough at Thanksgiving, to not being able to stand at Christmas, diagnosed on his birthday (Jan. 5) to passing away mid January. My break was anything but a break. The Doctors were not sure how long he had, 6 months at the most. I prepared my self to defer my last semester to stay at home with my Mom to help with Dad. I was prepared to put my life on hold to be with my family. Unfortunately, I didn't have that much time. My dad passed away a week after his diagnosis on Jan. 16. I was able to spend some time mourning and celebrating my dad's life before returning to school two weeks after the semester started. And that is when it hit me. I could no longer see or talk to my dad again.
Although I had many supportive friends at UNC, I felt alone and empty when I returned and that was an unusual feeling for me. This is really when it really hit me that he was gone, too soon. We had much more to talk about. More games to watch together, more Cowboys-Redskins match ups to watch with Grant and I, he was supposed to walk me down the isle and be there when I had my first child. There were more ball parks to go to and more UVa football games to see. I couldn't keep thinking about what I couldn't change. I needed something to do.
After returning to UNC, a friend invited me to come wait in line on a Sat. morning at 6am for a chance to get selected for basketball tickets for a few games, Florida state, UVa and Maryland. I thought, "What else better do I have to do?" At Carolina, there are not enough student seats for the number of people who want them, so the tickets are distributed on a lottery basis. This time, I was lucky enough to get in the nose bleed section with my friends, so we went, and stood the whole time, cheering. It as so much fun and exactly hat I needed. They kept winning, and winning, wand winning. Through out Feb, we kept going and stood in line for a special lottery for the Home, Duke-UNC game. My friends and I were lucky enough to be the 15th pick, which meant that we were given tickets to right behind the basket. This was Bliss! There was so much cheering and I never knew what a sports fan was until I discovered Carolina basketball.
In April of 2005, UNC won their 4th National championship. The night of the game I was coming home from Philly after spending the weekend looking for a place to live, but I didn't miss the big win. The streets outside my apartment flooded with people celebrating and cheering. Everyone was happy and blissful. Carolina basketball that semester gave me something to look forward to, something to smile about. I needed Carolina basketball more than it needed me. Watching Carolina that year, gave me the strength to move on with my life after such a sudden tragedy. they gave me something to hope for, and something to look forward to during this hard time. Sports was something Dad and I shared together, and perhaps that year that is exactly what happened in spirit. The Carolina spirit lives on. This week, they won their 5th NCAA championship. I couldn't help but to think of my Dad and remember why I started watching Carolina Basketball games in the first place.
In April of 2005, UNC won their 4th National championship. The night of the game I was coming home from Philly after spending the weekend looking for a place to live, but I didn't miss the big win. The streets outside my apartment flooded with people celebrating and cheering. Everyone was happy and blissful. Carolina basketball that semester gave me something to look forward to, something to smile about. I needed Carolina basketball more than it needed me. Watching Carolina that year, gave me the strength to move on with my life after such a sudden tragedy. they gave me something to hope for, and something to look forward to during this hard time. Sports was something Dad and I shared together, and perhaps that year that is exactly what happened in spirit. The Carolina spirit lives on. This week, they won their 5th NCAA championship. I couldn't help but to think of my Dad and remember why I started watching Carolina Basketball games in the first place.
One of my dearest friends from childhood lost her mother to breast cancer this past weekend. I spent time with their family, watching Carolina in the final four together with their family and friends. The evening was lighthearted and fun, despite the immense sadness and mourning, a feeling I know well. I couldn't help but to remember how far I've come in the healing process, but I also know how hard the road ahead is for my friend. Was this win my Dad's way of saying, "Erin, I am here for you and here for her." The love of sports was something Dad and I both shared, and I think it is something we will continue to share as time goes on. Through out this past weekend, I couldn't help but to think about my friend and what will be her Carolina Blue?
1 comment:
That was touching, and I'll always miss your dad. That being said, go to hell Carolina. The only people who wear Carolina blue are babies and [redacted]. Love ya babe!
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